


deep in shallow waters

by jjunnie (huichuu)



Series: written on a whim [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: And Other Soft™ Shit, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Junhui Needs a Hug, Not Beta Read, Soft Boys, Soft OT13, Soft Xu Ming Hao | The8, Soonyoung Is Accidentally An Asshole, They All Just Love Each Other A Lot, Wherein SEVENTEEN is Actually The Jun Protection Squad, lots of cuddles and hugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 12:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huichuu/pseuds/jjunnie
Summary: "It’s a lesson that’s been drilled into their heads time and time again, but sometimes, Soonyoung forgets. He forgets that not everyone is as thick-skinned as he is. Words are just as capable as hurting people as actions are. Not everyone is capable of picking themselves right back up when they’ve been knocked down.He only wishes he had remembered sooner."…or the one where Soonyoung's a sleep-deprived perfectionist who just wants SEVENTEEN to be the best they can be, and Junhui gets caught in the crossfire





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> i was in the mood for some more soft boys, but then i started having emotions™ halfway somewhere between the third and four draft of this little blurb of a chapter so here we are
> 
> aka rylan projecting her moods into her writing? more likely than you think

Sometimes, Soonyoung can be harsh. He knows that – can’t even begin to count how many times he’s been told to ease up and be more forgiving, to be less of a perfectionist – but it’s only because he cares. He’s hard on the other members because he knows they can take it. Years of training and assessments have taught them to use criticism as a tool, an opportunity to learn and better themselves as idols. 

 

It’s a lesson that’s been drilled into their heads time and time again, but sometimes, Soonyoung forgets. He forgets that not everyone is as thick-skinned as he is. Words are just as capable as hurting people as actions are. Not everyone is capable of picking themselves right back up when they’ve been knocked down.

 

He only wishes he had remembered sooner.

* * *

 

“Jun!” Soonyoung barks, making everyone jump with surprise. “What part of _stand by Seungkwan_ do you not understand?”

 

He marches up to Junhui, jabbing him accusingly in his index finger. “We’ve been over this like a thousand times now. At the end of Jisoo-hyung’s line, you’re supposed to be standing by Seungkwan. _Not_ Seokmin.”

 

Junhui’s eyes widen at the outburst, and he shrinks back a little. “Soonyoung, I’m really sorry–“

 

Soonyoung scoffs, interrupting him mid-sentence. “Sorry doesn’t cut it, Jun! _Sorry_ doesn’t change the fact that everyone’s already learned the choreography _except_ for you!”

 

His words cut deep, but Junhui does nothing to defend himself. He just stands there and takes it, flinching at the severity of Soonyoung’s tone, and tries to stutter out another frantic apology.

 

“Soonyoung, that’s enough.” Seungcheol intervenes, stepping forward. There’s a hint of warning in his voice. “Mistakes happen. Let it go.”

 

Soonyoung bristles defensively. “Why are you getting mad at me? I haven’t done anything wrong! It’s not _my_ fault Jun keeps fucking up. We’d be done by now if it weren’t for him!”

 

Rationally, Soonyoung knows that he’s being unfair. It’s not Junhui’s fault that he keeps misstepping; he’s half-asleep on his feet, weary from the countless nights without sleep and their busy schedule, but there’s a small, vindictive part of his brain that refuses to let it go. It wants to see Junhui hurt, _wants_ to punish him for holding everyone else back. 

 

 _Being tired isn’t an excuse_ , whispers his traitorous mind. _Everyone is tired. Junhui just needs to suck it up and deal like the rest of us._

 

“Maybe we should just call it a day,” Seokmin offers nervously. He steps between Soonyoung and Seungcheol, ever the peacekeeper. “Everyone’s been working so hard lately. I really think we could all use a break–“

 

The words leave Soonyoung’s mouth before he can stop himself. “Clearly _some of us_ are working harder than others.”

 

“Soon _young!_ ” snaps Jihoon, voice sharp. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but you need to stop–“

 

“I’ll _stop_ as soon as Junhui memorizes the fucking formation properly. I’m not here to fucking hold his hand–“

 

“That isn’t fair, and you know it–“

 

“No one asked _you,_ Jeonghan. Mind your own business for once, would you? _Jesus–“_

 

 _“_ Oh my _god_ , Soonyoung. _Shut up!”_

 

Soonyoung’s heart skips a beat at the sound of Minghao’s voice, his anger dissipating just as quickly as it came. Against contrary belief, Minghao really isn’t as confrontational as the fans make him out to be. He’ll joke around and play-fight on camera all day long, but he very rarely ever gets involved in serious fights between the members. 

 

( _It’s not my place_ , Minghao often says. _You’re all grown adults. You can sort out your problems yourselves. I don’t care what you do as long as it doesn’t affect everyone else in the group)_

 

Maybe that’s why Soonyoung’s stomach lurches with fear at the sound of Minghao’s voice.

 

“See what you did? I hope you’re happy with yourself, Kwon Soonyoung.”

 

Now that he’s not shouting anymore, Soonyoung realizes that Junhui isn’t standing in front of him anymore. He’s retreated to the farthest corner of the practice room, sitting with his knees drawn close to his chest and his head buried in his arms–and _fuck,_ Junhui’s crying. He made Junhui _cry_. Mingyu and Wonwoo are crouched beside him, trying to calm him down, but it only makes Junhui sob harder.

 

“I didn’t mean to–“ Soonyoung flounders. “I didn’t think–“

 

He racks his brains for a way to justify his actions, but he draws a blank because there are none. Soonyoung’s completely out of line.

 

“That’s the fucking problem, hyung. _You didn’t think.”_ Minghao runs a hand through his hair, sounding exasperated. Reprimanding, like Soonyoung’s a child who doesn’t know any better. “I get that you’re tired and that you’re frustrated, but you can’t just say shit like that. You have a responsibility as a leader to encourage everyone and build the other members up, not bully them and make them feel like shit when they mess up.”

 

His gaze drifts over to Junhui, and he lets out a soft sigh. “You know how hard Junnie-hyung is on himself, Soonyoung. You _know_ how much time he spends practicing on his own after everyone’s gone home for the day. Do you know why?”

 

Soonyoung has a sinking feeling he does, but he shakes his head anyway.

 

“He doesn’t think he has anything to offer to the group besides being a visual. He works so hard and pushes himself because he doesn’t want to let us down.” Minghao glances over at Junhui, his gaze softening. “He just wants us–just wants _you_ –to be proud of him. Jun admires you a lot, hyung. He always has.”

 

“Hao!” calls Mingyu, catching his attention. “Can you come here? Junnie-hyung’s asking for you!”

 

“Okay, just give me a second.” Minghao meets Soonyoung’s gaze, suddenly looking much older than he actually is. “Think about what I said, okay?”

 

Soonyoung swallows hard. “Yeah.”

 

And without another word, Minghao leaves. Soonyoung watches as he walks over to Junhui, quietly asking Wonwoo and Mingyu for some space before kneeling beside Junhui and pulling him into his arms. He doesn’t get see much more before his vision is being obscured by Seungcheol and Jihoon, both wearing identical expressions of anger on their faces. 

 

“We need to talk.”


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minghao is a good friend, and the leader line has a Talk™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why does everyone cry so much oml i guess i just like writing unnecessary whump lol no one cries this much tbh anyway here have some more soft boys

“ _Minghao!”_ Junhui bawls, clutching at Minghao’s skinny frame, fingers twisting into the soft material of his t-shirt. “I didn’t mean to make Soonyoung mad. I’m sorry!”

 

His face scrunches up. “I ruined everything, didn’t I?”

 

His voice is small like he expects Minghao to agree with him–to confirm all of the fears circulating in his head. Minghao sighs softly and pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around Junhui’s shaking body. 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Junnie. You haven’t done anything wrong,” Minghao murmurs into his hair. “You’re just having a bad day.”

 

Junhui sniffles pitifully and hides his face in Minghao’s chest, his shoulders trembling with the force of his sobs. Minghao doesn’t mind; these kinds of things happen. Junhui is an anxious person by nature; it doesn’t take much for him to get caught up in his own thoughts and worry himself sick. 

 

Fortunately, Minghao’s been around long enough to know how to handle these little incidents. It’s during these moments when Junhui is at his most vulnerable, open and unguarded and completely susceptible to any negative thought that crosses his mind. He needs someone to ground him, someone to guide him in the right direction, and more often than not, that person is Minghao.

 

It takes some time, but Junhui’s crying eventually subsides. He stays curled up in Minghao’s lap, eyes closed as he focuses on the familiar sound of Minghao’s heartbeat and his own breathing. Minghao doesn’t rush him, just continues to pet Junhui’s hair and murmur quiet reassurance into his ear in Mandarin ( _you’re doing great, Junnie-hyung. Take deep breaths, okay? There you go, just like that)_.

 

“Hao?” Junhui whispers once he can speak, sounding a little hoarse. “Can we go home? I–I…don’t want to be here right now.”

 

“Sure. Lemme just tell the hyungs, okay?” Minghao gently untangles himself from Junhui and rises to his feet, making his way over to where Jeonghan and Joshua are quietly talking to each other.

 

“Jeonghannie-hyung, Jisoo-hyung?” he says, catching their attention. “Jun and I are going to go back to the dorm. He isn’t feeling very well.”

 

Joshua’s eyes soften, and he gives Minghao a strained smile. “That’s fine. Do you want me to ask one of the managers to drive you home?”

 

Minghao shakes his head. “No thanks. We’ll walk. I think Jun could use the fresh air.”

 

“Is he okay?” Jeonghan asks. He’s picking at his nails again, a nervous habit he’s never quite managed to break. “A lot of that stuff Soonyoung said…”

 

“He will be once he gets some sleep.” Minghao shrugs, glancing over his shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on Soonyoung-hyung, okay? He’s been under a lot of stress lately, and I know he hasn’t been sleeping well. I think he only got one or two hours yesterday.”

 

Joshua winces. “No wonder he’s so tightly wound.” His gaze drifts over to where Seungcheol and Jihoon have pulled Soonyoung aside. “Hopefully they won’t tear him up too badly. We’ll see you two later, Minghao. Take good care of Junnie for us, okay?”

 

“Don’t worry. I always do, don’t I?”

* * *

“If you’re going to yell me, _please_ go ahead and just do it already,” Soonyoung pleads. “Don’t just stand there and do nothing.”

 

He’s meet with stony silence, their faces unnervingly blank as they continue to glare at him, and he lets out a groan of frustration. _God_ , he hates this. This is the worst–worse than all the times his parents yelled at him as a kid, worse than every lecture he’s received from their managers for acting out. Hell, it’s even worse than the time he nearly broke his leg and ended up bedridden for almost a month.

 

“Hyung?” he tries again. 

 

Nothing. 

 

“Jihoonie?”

 

Not even a blink.

 

“Guys, please–“

 

“Why would you say that to him?” Jihoon asks quietly. His hands are tightly clenched, his nails digging into the soft skin of his palms. “Soonyoung, _what the fuck?_ We’ve talked about this–“

 

His voice is trembling with emotion, just barely managing to suppress anger building up inside of him. Seungcheol notices because of course he does; he’s always been able to read Jihoon like an open book. He places a gentle hand on Jihoon’s shoulder, squeezing lightly.

 

“Breathe, Jihoonie,” he murmurs.

 

The action has its desired effect; Jihoon inhales shakily and grounds himself, visibly recomposing himself before staring at Soonyoung wearily.

 

“You promised this wouldn’t happen again.” Soonyoung flinches, averting his gaze guiltily. 

 

Every fiber of his being is screaming for him to apologize and beg for forgiveness, but he knows doing so would only make Jihoon angrier. 

 

“I know,” he says instead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to; I was just…so _angry_.”

 

His eyes are starting to prickle with unwarranted tears, and he swipes at them with the back of his hand.

 

“I shouldn’t have yelled at Junnie. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it was too easy to lash out and blame everything on him…God, I'm such a fuck up."

 

Soonyoung laughs wryly, a self-deprecating chuckle that sounds hollow even to his own ears. “I just want this comeback to be perfect, you know? We did so well last time, and even though I know it won’t happen, I can’t keep from thinking _what if something goes wrong?_ _What if we aren’t good enough? What if we fail and let everyone down?_ ”

 

“We’ve all worked so hard, and we’ve all sacrificed so much to get to this point. I don’t want everything to go to waste because of a simple little mistake that could have been avoided.

 

“Minghao was right. I haven’t been a very good leader lately. Maybe it was a mistake putting me in charge. Neither of you would have thrown a temper tantrum over something as small as a misstep. Maybe I’m not cut out for being in charge after all–“

 

“Are you stupid?” Seungcheol interrupts. There isn’t any venom or malice in the words; it’s just an honest question. 

 

It catches Soonyoung off-guard, and he flounders for a second. He doesn’t know how to respond. This is the kind of thing he expects from Jihoon, not Seungcheol.

 

“I…I don’t understand what you’re asking me.”

 

Seungcheol repeats the question with the same wide-eyed sincerity. “Seriously, Soonyoung. Are. You. Stupid?”

 

“N-No?”

“Then why would you ever doubt for a second that you aren’t a good leader? Sure, you fucked up, but you’re owning up to it. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?” There’s an exasperated fondness in Seungcheol’s eyes, voice soft and gentle. Kind of like he's talking to a frightened animal or an upset child, which really isn't that far off at this point.

 

“You knew you’d messed up the moment the words left your mouth. We could all see it on your face. You’re not very subtle, Soonyoung. You wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s almost ridiculous how easy it is to read your emotions.”

 

“Hyung–“ Despite himself, Soonyoung sniffles as a couple of tears begin to roll down his cheeks.

 

“Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to you. Point is, you messed up–and that’s okay. It happens. I’d be more concerned if you _didn’t_ fuck up at some point. That’s just how life works. You’re a great leader, Soonyoung. There’s nothing wrong with having ambition and wanting to us to be the best we can be. You just have to go about it the right way.”

 

“That means _not_ taking out your frustrations on people,” Jihoon chimes in unhelpfully. “Especially Junhui.”

 

Seungcheol rolls his eyes but nods anyway, “I’d preferably like it if you didn’t lash out at _anyone_ , but yes, please don’t yell at Junnie. He’s insecure enough on his own already; we want to build up his confidence about his place in the group and remind him that he’s just as important and loved as everyone else is. SEVENTEEN wouldn’t be the same without him.”

 

“Just like how SEVENTEEN wouldn’t be the same without our silly try-hard performance team leader.” Jihoon offers the smallest of smiles, his features softening just the tiniest bit. “C’mere, dumbass.”

 

“ _Jihoonie!”_ Seungcheol hisses, elbowing him in the side. “Seriously?”

 

Soonyoung laughs wetly as Jihoon forcibly pulls him into an awkward embrace, tears falling freely as he listens to Seungcheol and Jihoon bicker playfully. Even though he still feels awful about how immature he acted, he can’t help but be relieved. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, knowing that Seungcheol and Jihoon have forgiven him for being such an asshole.

 

A small knot of anxiety forms in his chest though, and Soonyoung can’t help but wonder.

 

_But will Junhui do the same?_


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> insight into junhui and minghao's relationship

Junhui is uncharacteristically quiet on the walk home. Normally, he’s full of energy, rambling about whatever comes to mind–practice, their friends, what he wants for dinner, that one webcomic he read last night. Today, however, he simply clutches at the fabric of Minghao’s hoodie, looking a little lost and a lot overwhelmed, as Minghao navigates through the small but steady crowd of people wandering the streets.

 

Even though the dorm isn’t too terribly far away from the company building, it’s just enough to tire Junhui out. Crying always takes a lot out of him, leaving him sluggish and despondent for the rest of the day, and it shows. What should have been a ten minute walk takes fifteen, and the moment the front door is unlocked, Junhui slips past Minghao and flops miserably on the floor.

 

Minghao isn’t fazed; he’s known Junhui long enough to expect this. He tuts disapprovingly and gently nudges Junhui with a socked foot, “Hey, cut it out. I know you aren’t feeling good, but you need to go take a shower. You’re still sweaty and gross from practice, and you’ll feel much better once you’re clean.”

 

Junhui looks up at him and laughs tiredly. “Are you trying to tell me I smell, Hao? That’s not very nice.”

 

Minghao smiles at him fondly, “Maybe just a little.” He steps over Junhui and walks in the kitchen, rummaging through cupboards until he finds a container of cocoa powder. “Here, I’ll even make you a deal: if you take a shower, I’ll make you hot chocolate. How’s that sound?”

 

He doesn’t get a reply right away. It takes a moment, just long enough for him to turn on the electric kettle and get everything he needs, before he hears the quiet rustle of fabric and a soft sigh and knows he’s won. Minghao waits until Junhui’s left the room and turned on the shower before he reaches for his phone to check his messages.

* * *

 

**[chat: minghao and the irrelevants (3)]**

 

**gyuhoo:** @boyhaody so what’s the damage?

**okaydk:** is hyung okay?

 

_boyhaody is typing…_

 

**boyhaody:** yeah he’s just tired. he’s in the shower rn 

**boyhaody:** gonna make some hot chocolate and probably watch tv until he falls asleep. how’s soonyoung???

**gyuhoo:** that’s good i hate it when he’s upset

**okaydk:** ^ honestly tho

**okaydk:** dunno about soonyoung cheol and jihoon took him out of the room

**gyuhoo:** they’ve been gone for a while though it’s making me v anxiousyou don’t think they’re being too hard on him do you?

**okaydk:** he kind of deserves it…i love hyung but what he did wasn’t okay

 

_boyhaody is typing…_

 

**boyhaody:** i’m sure he’s fine. seungcheol and jihoon aren’t assholes they’ll be fair

* * *

Minghao nearly drops his phone at the sound of the electric kettle, letting out several piercing beeps to let him know that the water’s ready. He types out a hasty good to Mingyu and Seokmin before slipping it back into his pocket and getting out Junhui’s favorite mug, stored in the corner of the bottom cupboard specifically for this reason.

 

It’s a large white ceramic cup shaped like a cat’s head, its eyes and whiskers painted black and its nose pink. Unsurprisingly, it’s covered in little nicks and chips from where Junhui has bumped into things or dropped it in the sink. Minghao runs his fingers over a few of them as he mixes the ingredients together, careful to make it exactly how Junhui likes it. 

 

_We were doing so good_ , he laments. The last time Junhui had gotten this upset was almost four months ago, when an argument between Seungcheol and Jeonghan had almost come to actual blows. Minghao doesn’t remember what they’d been fighting about, but he does remember how anxious Junhui had been. He remembers Junhui pleading for them to calm down, to please talk it out like adults, but he’d been brushed off and ignored. He remembers finding Seungkwan desperately trying to comfort a crying Junhui in the other room as Joshua and Chan of all people sorted it out.

 

There hadn’t been any more incidents after that. Everyone had unanimously decided that if there was any problems, they’d sit down and solve them as a group–and for the most part, it had worked. There’d only been a couple of minor slip ups, catty remarks and friendly bickering, since–well, up until today, anyway.

 

The water in the bathroom shuts off with a quiet hiss, and Minghao decides to make another cup of hot chocolate for himself. By the time he finishes preparing it, Junhui’s dressed in his pajamas and walking into the living room. He sits on the couch this time, tucking his legs up under him.

 

“I’m back,” Junhui needlessly announces.  


“Yes, Jun, I know,” Minghao teases as he sits down beside him, handing Junhui his mug and cradling his own between his hands. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Junhui shrugs and takes a sip of his hot chocolate. His eyes are still a little red. “We can if you want to.”  


“That doesn’t really answer my question, hyung. This isn’t about what I want; do _you_ want to talk about it? We can just a show instead if you don’t want to”

 

Junhui doesn’t say anything; he just pointedly redirects his attention to his mug, and Minghao decides to take that as a no. He grabs the remote off the coffee table and flips through the channels until he settles on one of Junhui’s favorite cartoons.

 

It doesn’t take very long for Junhui’s instinctive need for skinship to get the best of him. He finishes his hot chocolate and slowly inches closer and closer to Minghao’s side of the couch until their thighs are centimeters apart and then...stops. It’s no secret that Minghao generally doesn’t like it when people invade his space or touch him without asking first, and even though Minghao’s told Junhui over and over again that he doesn’t mind when _he_ does it, he still hesitates.

 

“C’mere,” Minghao says gruffly, setting his mug down and holding out an arm. “I told you I’m okay with it.”

 

Junhui hums quietly and curls up against Minghao’s side, resting his head against Minghao’s chest and playing with the fingers of Minghao's free hand. There used to be a time when this kind of intimacy would have made Minghao’s skin crawl, but he’s used to it now.

 

To an outsider, they probably look like a couple. Just two young lovers cuddling on the couch after a long day of work. That’s not what this is though.

 

Junhui was one of the first friends Minghao made when he joined the company. He’d been the one who had spent countless hours helping Minghao learn the language and grow accustomed to life in Korea, who had always comforted him when he was homesick and reminded Minghao that he belonged even when he felt like he didn’t. To Minghao, Junhui isn’t just a friend. He isn’t a boyfriend or a lover either. 

 

To Minghao, Junhui is _home._

 

He’s one of Minghao’s most important people, someone who he treasures deeply and holds a special place in his heart. Junhui’s not someone Minghao is _in love_ with; he’s someone who Minghao loves, someone who Minghao will _never_ let feel small or insignificant because Junhui is anything but.

* * *

 

“Minghao?” Junhui murmurs after quite some time, and Minghao hums in response. “Do you think Soonyoung’s still mad at me?”

 

His voice is soft and trembles just the tiniest bit as he speaks, but when Minghao sneaks a look at his face, there isn’t a tear in sight. Instead, he just looks defeated, and it breaks his heart.

 

“Of course not,” Minghao says firmly, glancing back up at the television without processing what’s on the screen. “Why would he? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“But he was so _angry_ , Hao. I’ve never seen him get that upset before. It felt like he hated me or something.”

 

“He might have,” Minghao pauses, weighing his next words carefully, “hated you in that moment, but that doesn’t mean that’s how he _actually_ feels about you. Soonyoung is a perfectionist by nature, you know that.

 

“He’s stubborn and difficult to work with sometimes because of it, but he means well. Even now, Soonyoung still worries that we might disband over the smallest mistake and because he’s the performance team leader and our group’s choreographer, he feels personally responsible for every single bad thing that happens to us–”

 

“He shouldn’t,” Junhui interrupts. “We’re a _team–“_

 

“We are,” Minghao agrees, “but he’s also an idiot who thinks too much and doesn’t know how to ask for help when he needs it.”

 

“Yeah…I guess you're right.”

 

The conversation ends there, and neither of them speak for the rest of the night. They fall asleep like that, snuggled close to each other with Junhui’s face squished against Minghao’s stomach and Minghao’s fingers still carded through his hair.


End file.
